a) I came home from from a party one night and vomited all over the kitchen floor. I tried to pick it up with my hands and chuck it in the sink, but instead succeeded only in getting it all over my hands and jacket. I stumbled all the way to the bathroom, bouncing off the walls and leaving vomit trails as I went. I eventually passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked, later to have my father force the door open. When he took me back to the master bedroom to explain myself, I made some comments about Pauline Hanson.

b) My friends and I went to a concert which was being held in a gaming center in one of the biggest malls in the southern hemisphere. After getting sufficiently drunk, and having two girlfriends support me while I glided across the mall floor, I asked a construction worker who was tiling a massive pillar if I could please help him do some construction. I was granted the privalage of plastering a small section of the mall!

c) I smeared butter on my face in an attempt to ward off bees.

d) I vomited all over myself in a stranger's bathtub while people so kindly stripped and cleaned me. I woke up on the bathroom floor not knowing where I was, wearing a shirt I recognized as not my own. There was a note pegged to the shirt telling me "congratulations! you got your wish, you finally got to vomit" (even though I couldn't remember it).

e) I ate dirt

f) All of the above